Kid Crush - When to be Concerned

What are the signs that a young child, as early as age 5, has a kid crush?

• He/she want to spend lots of time with this other child (or adult).
• She constantly draws pictures of the two of them together.
• He speaks about this person often or blushes and/or giggles when you speak about him or her.
• She suddenly goes from being grossed out about the opposite gender to being interested in it.
• He begins to ask a lot of questions about dating, marriage and how relationships work.
• She is constantly putting her hands on, hanging on and/or even hitting this person.
• He is Jealous whenever someone else spends time with this person.
• She starts role-playing relationships, weddings, kissing, etc. with her dolls.

What you can do to help your child:

• Don't discount their feelings!  Although a puppy-love kid crush may seem silly and juvenile to you, it is a big deal to your child.  If you make light of your child's feelings, he/she may not confide in you again.
• Ask questions like, "how do you feel when you are with this person?" or "what does it mean to you to be girlfriend/boyfriend or in a relationship (married)?".
• Help your child to understand that the other child may not have the same feelings. Explain the importance of listening to what that child wants and not pushing him or her.  For example, "I know you like so-and-so but if he asks you to stop touching him you need to respect him enough to keep your hands to yourself."
• Explain boundaries to your child.  Tell them in clear and simple terms what is okay and not appropriate for them.  Items like sitting next to each other, hugging, holding hands and kissing should be discussed.  Also, make sure your child is aware that the private parts of his or her body are to remain private and never to be shown to anyone but parents and doctors.  This is often the age where the game of 'doctor' begins!

When a crush becomes a problem:

• When the relationship causes distractions in the classroom it can be a problem.  Teachers deal with kid crushes on a regular basis but sometimes the constant physical and vocal shows of affection can be too much of a distraction.  Games of kiss tag or 'marriage' ceremonies held at recess sometimes don't end when the recess bell calls the children back to class.  This is where talking to your child about boundaries and consequences for crossing them can be helpful.
• When your child's crush does not reciprocate feelings and reacts negatively it can be very difficult for your child to accept.  Sometimes the person your child has a crush on doesn't feel the same way and can inadvertently or purposely hurt your child's feelings.  Children can be cruel at times and your child might feel embarrassed or heart broken. Children can express not wanting to attend school or go anywhere their crush might be.
• When the crush focuses on the physical it can be a problem.  Sometimes, boys and girls have had too much experience for their age.  At 5, 6, 7 and even 8 years old a child generally isn't thinking about a sexual physical relationship.  However, if a child has had experiences, such as seeing movies or other media that show explicit scenes, older siblings or friends that educate them early or others of the like, they can sometimes try to share or experiment with these experiences with their crush.  This is often the time when children take off their clothes behind closed doors to play 'doctor' or compare differences.  Unfortunately, we can't protect our children all of the time and the child's best defense is awareness of what is and is not appropriate as well as role-playing with your child to give them ideas on how to thwart unwanted advances or handle tough circumstances.

Sources: Parents, KidsHealth,